Waiting for Surgery

I made it back home from Ohio in one piece, and had my follow-up appointment.

It basically consisted of me waiting for 6 hours. I got my x-rays taken, and got to see an Orthopedic doctor, who basically told me what I already knew, that I would still have to get surgery. Other than that there really was nothing new I learned from my follow-up. They couldn't even tell me when my surgery would be, but they said that they would call me a couple of days before, to let me know.

And so I began the waiting game.

I work from home anyways, so despite feeling cloudy, I managed to finish all my work everyday.
I watched a lot of Netflix and Hulu. I cried a lot. I researched vitamins and bone-healing diets. I felt guilty. I played the what-if game.
What if I hadn't tried to play kickball?
What if I had worn better shoes?
What if I had gone to the ER instead of the Urgent Care?

It's those sort of questions that will drive you nuts. What if, what if- what if all of this was meant to happen. What if life was trying to show you something?

Eventually that's what I tried to accept. That this really happened for some reason.

I wrote a friend of mine who had fallen off a 20 foot ledge and broken multiple bones, including her collarbone and pelvis. She was in the hospital for a month, and wheelchair bound for 3 months, before starting her rehab process.
The one thing she told me (and what I've been told by other people who've experience this sort of injury) is that it was something that transformed her in a positive way. She told me that she doesn't look at life as this fleeting thing, but appreciates everything she does, every step she takes. She takes care, she watches where she walks.

In this life, so many people are distracted. The urgency to get from point A to point B makes it impossible sometimes to enjoy what lies between point A and point B.

Having been laid up for almost a month, the things I miss the most in life are the simple things.
Being able to go walk and get a cup of tea. Being able to sleep without having my foot elevated.
Taking showers. Making myself food.

I've had to learn how to ask for help, and as someone who is super independent, that's been really hard. Nothing is simple anymore. Every action requires thought and work.

One thing is for sure, after this ordeal, nothing will ever be the same again.